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passion, passion, i want passion!

April 2, 2013

So, you wanna hear how it’s going with the new bloke? Weeeellllllll, a mixed bag. He’s lovely and stable and all, but…….backward in coming forward? He never seems to want to kiss me! I initiate the kissing every time, including in bed.

Then when he does kiss me to say hello or goodbye, they’re stunted, constipated little kisses that uggh! turn me off. It’s a wonder we have sex at all. What is wrong with the bloke? We’ve only been seeing each other for about five weeks. This is meant to be the passionate period. I don’t get him at all. I think he’d rather be doing d.i.y. And then there’s the texes. ‘Lovely day ou there’. ‘Good morning x’. Great. My dad could write those tex. Where’s the personal touches? Oh god, I’ve gotta finish it haven’t I? Be on my own again. Shite.

I feel welcome round his house, but I don’t feel desired. I feel like i’m waiting, waiting, waiting to see him, when i’m at work, etc, then when I finally go to his house I still feel like i’m waiting waiting waiting somehow. Frustrating. And sad. I’ve got over wanting to spend the whole day in bed with him ( it’s clearly not gonna happen, am I the only woman in the world that wants to do this with her lover? I’m beginning to feel a freak for wanting to ). But a good snogging session would be nice. He’s said he likes snogging, so why isn’t it happening?

Still stupidly pining after nutcase ex. God help me. Seen him once in about five weeks. The fact is, he loved my pussy. He did. He loved to go down on me. With my period, or without. There’s no way that’s gonna happen with this man. No way on earth. I understand he can’t help that. But it is a problem for me. A dealbreaker? Possibly. I can’t spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn’t love my pussy. Love me, love my pussy, end of. I’m not spending the rest of my life without oral sex. Not when I’ve had it so good. Oh god, it was good! Why was dickhead so good in bed??? Stupid ol sex. I’m gonna have to do without for a while. Nooooooooooooo!!! I am though. What a depressing thought. It means making space for someone better though. Someone more expressive with their affection, someone who doesn’t act like it costs money. I have a feeling he’s tight too. We talked about dinner and it didn’t happen. We haven’t been out together in public yet. What’s that all about? Do we both know subconsciously it aint gonna last? Hmmmmmm.

All I’ve had today was a ‘Good morning x’. So I texed exactly the same back. See how he likes his genericisms. ( Not sure if that’s a word! ).

Ah well, time will tell folks. Time will tell……….

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